Whilst this article is primarily aimed at the solo-sexual, hopefully these sex life tips will also apply to those sheltering in place with their partner (or willing housemates…)
THINK ABOUT ALL YOUR SENSES!
Don’t just rely on a visual sexual experience. Pornography has encouraged us to think of sex as a primarily visual act, whereas in reality it is a multi-sensory experience principally concerning touch, smell and taste as well as sight and sound.
So, if your go-to when you’re feeling alone and horny right now is to watch some porn and have a wank, consider exploring sensual touch. Explore your body with your hands. Gently touch yourself in different places (I enjoy stroking my inner thigh and chest). Exploring how that touch feels, what pressure you give, maybe stroking, massaging or tickling yourself. Find what parts of your body give you pleasure from being touched. You might like to use massage oil, or scented oils or candles. Could you even play music, to add to the sensory experience. You could also close your eyes, and allow yourself to “give in” to the experience of exploring your body. It could culminate with touching your genitals (but doesn’t need to).
If you’re going to be self pleasuring a lot, having a good lube is a must! I’m really into Coconut Oil (buy it from the oils section in the supermarket, but it comes as a solid in a jar), which melts with your body heat, smells great and is also excellent for moisturising your body. If you’re playing with toys stick with an intentional lubricant (and remember you can never use enough lube). Maybe consider moisturising your member as part of your daily ablutions.
I am a big fan of toys for solo and partner play. I’m pretty open to new experiences and sensations, and if you check out online retailers you’ll see a range of toys for the genitals, anus and other parts of the body (such as nipples). Here’s some suggestions to get you started or thinking about what you like.
Nipples: Do you enjoy your nipples played with during sex? If you find yourself rubbing, touching or squeezing them during masturbation, then maybe consider nipple clamps or suction cups. I personally find Clover Clamps the best to use. Best for terms of grip and ease of use, but a lot of styles are available (and a super cheap option would be to use clothes pegs). Suction creates a very different experience, as the nipple engorges in the device leaving them temporarily larger. Oxballs Gripper is a great one to use, or for more advanced look at suction cups with a twisting device to create a vacuum which has a stronger grip (however, be aware that nipple suction devices do not work as well with a hairy chest, so you’ll need to groom around your nipples first).
Cock and balls: if you haven’t already tried them, consider cock and ball rings. I enjoy how this makes my cock and balls feel when I get hard as they feel fuller in my hands. If you’re me, this might them progress on to ball stretchers and ball weights. If you really want to feel your cock get bigger, then you might be interested in “pumping” your cock using a cylinder and vacuum pump. This is a very intense feeling to begin with, and you need to be careful and listen to your body, so as not to hurt yourself. But the results can be really enjoyable, and I think its a better investment for playing with your cock than a Fleshlight or masturbation device. I often make myself cum just from the intensity of having my cock expanding in a vacuum cylinder!
Dildos: there are SO many dildos out there, at all different price points. I was sceptical when the “high end” dildo companies launched recently, with dildos costing hundreds of pounds. However, I am a convert now. The quality of the material makes for a much more comfortable experience. My personal favourites right now come from Mr Hankey. If we’re going to be in lockdown for a while, I will say one expensive toy is worth the investment over multiple lower priced toys. However, if price is an important consideration, Clone Zone probably offer the best affordable options.
Battery Operated Toys
Vibrating toys: I have completely fallen in love with Nexus Revo 2 – a vibrating prostate massager. By my standards the toy is very small, but with its multiple settings gives me so much pleasure. Its also worked great on my “total top” friend. Nexus have a range of toys, and are worth checking out. Lovense is a company that creates bluetooth and remote controlled vibrating devices. I haven’t tried them yet, but I’ve heard great things. It is also possible to give control of your toy to someone remotely. I think would be a fun way to have a sexual experience with someone whilst maintaining social distancing.
Speaking of social distancing and sex, maybe now is a time to reintroduce phone sex. Maybe sexting feels more comfortable? If you feel up to experimenting, why not speak to your playmate on the phone. It is a great way to also practice clear communication about what you want in sex. This can often feel awkward in the moment, but is really important!
You may want to upgrade from a phone conversation to a video call or webcam. I have webcammed a lot. I enjoy it, I’m an exhibitionist and enjoy putting on a show, but for me it doesn’t replace human interaction. If you are having sex via webcam don’t prioritise the visual experience of you (or your partner), Think about how you’re feeling when you’re touching our playing with yourself. Also don’t feel coerced into doing something you don’t want to do.
There was a great meme that circulated: “what I thought my apocalypse outfit would look like versus what it really is” with two images of Charlize Theron. One picture is in her Mad Max costume and the other in mismatched loungewear from the film Young Adult. I admit that I am really not making much effort with my wardrobe choices right now, however I do periodically dress to make myself feel sexy. I’m currently sat in semi-transparent shorts from Nasty Pig, and when I go out for a run I’ve started wearing a thong under my shorts (sometimes with visible straps). It is a small act to keep myself feeling sexy. One of the beauties of sexy underwear is that it can be something as much for yourself as for a partner. Whether that’s something as skimpy as a thong, or luxury silk boxer shorts. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.
I’ve tried to encourage you to explore and experiment without using porn. I’m well aware that most of us will be watching (a lot) of porn during this time. Please can I encourage you to pay for your porn. Subscribing to your favourite pornstar’s fan page (such as Just for Fans or Onlyfans) directly supports those people at a time when probably most of their income as a sex worker and performer has disappeared. I also recommend subscribing to Naked Sword (“the Netflix of Gay Porn”) which has exclusive scenes, and a huge back catalogue from studios including Falcon, Treasure Island Media and Eurocreme, including amazing pre-condom vintage porn.
Government advice in the UK means that we shouldn’t be hooking up with anyone outside of our household. I’m aware from messages I receive on Grindr (and friends and previous hook ups directly messaging me), that hook up culture continues. There is a danger of passing on Covid-19 through kissing, oral sex and rimming in particular. There are many reasons why people may be hooking up right now, ideally though you will focus more on self pleasure right now!
Now is also a great time for us all to get a sexual health check up. I ordered my home kit from Sexual Health London. If we’re not hooking up for a long time, getting checked and treated will really help with reducing sexual transmitted infections in our community. I’m sure when this lockdown ends, and there’s an explosion of sexual frustration, we’d all love to be fucking with carefree abandon.
Online sex shops (UK):
Naked Sword https://www.nakedsword.com/
Sexual Health London https://www.shl.uk/register