Lifestyle
John Thomas’ Men’s Underwear Review
Oct
Welcome to my men’s underwear guide! This is totally biased and based on my own personal experiences as well as some observations and research. Maybe you will fiercely disagree with me. Maybe it will encourage you to experiment with your own underwear choices!
Brief
I believe the brief is the King of Men’s Underwear. Its design reflects the anatomy of the body: the waistband sitting across the hips, and the openings for the legs contouring elegantly around the buttocks and the groin. As well as visually enhancing the physique it also offers excellent support for your package, and keeps your balls from getting too close to your thighs.
There are so many different cuts and styles available.
The Y-front design also allows for access to the penis if you want to pee but keep your underwear on. Personally, I’ve rarely felt this is important, but maybe for some people it is. I enjoy high cut briefs, with the fabric cut from the crotch to the waistband. This creates an even more visually impressive bulge, flaunts more of the buttocks, and allows for optimal leg movement. If there is a downside to briefs, its that having and elastic seam running through the crotch can cause tightness or rubbing on the groin. This would be an indication to me that they are either too small or the cut doesn’t work for your body. I used to think briefs were very uncool, I now appreciate them as the most elegant style available to man.
Visual appeal – 5
Overall Comfort – 5
Bulge Support – 5
Breathability – 2
Wow Factor – 3
BOXER SHORTS
So I think boxer shorts deserve a revival. I think classic silk or crisp cotton, worn under a suit, maybe with socks and garters. I haven’t worn classic boxer shorts in years, but I did use to have several pairs that I loved. Although they could only been worn with certain loose-fitting jeans. They offer unique comfort of allowing your cock and balls to hang free without restriction, whilst also offering modesty when undressing and protection of your clothes from sweat (and other potential stains).
If you are going to invest in boxer briefs though, they do need to be beautiful . Although maybe a soft jersey cotton would be fine for lounging around at home. They also really don’t work with tight fitting jeans and trousers as they can ride up and you end up with all this fabric in your crotch or a wedgie in your butt. Personally I don’t see them being suitable to wear with shorts either. Wearing boxer shorts on a date or to a hook up makes as big a statement as wearing a jock or thong, in my opinion. Just make sure its a positive statement of fashion forwardness!
Visual appeal – 4
Overall comfort – 5
Bulge support – 0
Breathability – 5
Wow Factor – 4
Boxer Brief / Trunk
Controversially I HATE this underwear style, I think rather than offering the best of both styles, I think it offers the worst. By adding even a short leg, all of the support of the brief is lost. You end up with all this extra fabric in-between your thighs happily soaking up sweat. The square cut then serves to undermine the natural curvature of the butt, and crops the legs against their natural anatomical contouring. However, I appreciate that this style is everywhere, and that is probably the result of Calvin Klein’s work in the 90s, allowing “cool” straight boys to start experimenting with fitted underwear. Some guys would claim they are the most comfortable style (I disagree), but one thing we can agree on is that they are a safe choice – although I will echo RuPaul’s advice here, and say that safe is a dirty word, if you’re trying to stand out from the competition.
Visual appeal – 3
Overall comfort – 3
Bulge support – 1
Breathability – 2
Wow Factor – 0
Athletic
What I’m referring to here is a compression short and underwear hybrid (originated by Under Armour I think, but increasingly available from other brands). Anything the boxer brief gets wrong this athletic underwear basically gets right – the fabric is designed to be both supportive and breathable. So It keeps your muscles warm after a workout (important for recovery) but also allows your balls to breathe, and wicks sweat away from the skin to keep you cool.
The use of a spandex-rich fabric also supports and sculpts the butt and the body’s natural curves, however because It is elasticised it could make you feel self-conscious about your body, particularly where the torso bulges out from above the waistband (although this will be happening to anyone with a normal amount of body fat, particularly as men tend to store fat above their hips). Super sexy because its sporty, but wearing them doesn’t make you sporty. I think they’re perfect if you lead an active lifestyle, or you want something for the gym or to exercise that isn’t as tight fitting as compression gear.
Visual appeal – 4
Overall comfort – 4
Bulge support – 2
Breathability – 5
Wow factor – 4
Jockstrap
Not just for athletes and bottoms! But, to be quite honest, not that useful for tops. Jockstraps are an iconic member of the gay underwear family, appropriated from sporting culture. I remember when they seemed quite hard to get hold of, but now they’re everywhere – which, I will be honest, I think makes them a bit passé. Good things about them though – they do exactly what they’re supposed to – cover your junk, up lift your butt, and expose your hole. As a 99.99% bottom I often wear them during sex, because it declares that all the attention should be on my butt, and not on my dick. This is why they’re not so good for tops – pulling your dick out the side of the bottom just looks awkward, and not sexy.
There’s maybe something a bit risqué about the waistband of a jockstrap poking up above your jeans on the dance floor, but its pretty widespread now that its more a way of signalling that you’re a bottom and you’re ready to play (if you are going to wear a jock, do make sure you’ve douched or at least washed your butt beforehand). Depending on your own physique you may need to shop round to find a jockstrap that flatters your shape, some straps ride higher or lower than others, and having straps cutting across your cheeks only serves to make your butt look smaller.
They are available in all sorts of colours and styles now, and even hybrids like boxer-jocks (not flattering, don’t go there). The original classic cuts definitely are the best, and block colours will make more of a unique statement than something brightly coloured.
Visual appeal – 4
Overall comfort – 4
Bulge support – 4
Breathability – 5
Wow factor – 4
Thong
It’s been a slow but steady journey, but momentum is truly gathering behind the thong being the underwear that gay men should be wearing right now. Sadly for me I have to battle between my absolute love for them alongside the fact that I have never found a comfortable pair. Thongs are outrageously sexy, and suggest the wearer is hugely comfortable in their own body (regardless of their body shape – and honestly I truly believe being sexy as far more about one’s own self-confidence than anything else).
I have a ton of different styles that cup, support, hug and hold my bulge in different ways, and it really is the sexiest I every feel looking down at the contoured pouch. That the thong pulls back via the centre of the arse, rather than at the sides, does create a different shape, and it is perfection. Thongs also offer the freedom of having your butt out whilst still having your hole covered – so is actually a more modest and wearable style than a jockstrap. The cut of the waistband can also be just as flattering on the buttocks, creating two distinct round cheeks, particularly if you worry about having a flat bottom.
From my perspective they are the best thing to gogo dance in as well, and if I see the waistband of a thong popping up above someone’s jeans on the dance floor it doesn’t carry the same bottom vibes as a jock, but still the same sexualised energy. I must be honest though, for me I’m yet to find a thong that doesn’t rub on my hole (or rather, between my hole and my coccyx). Maybe its my anatomy, because I have friends who swear they find them comfortable. But I’m also the kind of person who is prepared to suffer for my aesthetic (sometimes).
Visual appeal – 5
Overall comfort – 2
Bulge support – 5
Breathability – 5
Wow factor – 5
Novelty
I’m thinking animal thongs, Christmas pants, mankinis, weird hybrids, “unique” designs you saw at some cheap novelty site… just, don’t. I’ve worn a lot of “interesting” underwear in my career (and personal life). I can guarantee that it won’t be comfortable, is probably almost impossible to pull off, and is a waste of money.
Visual appeal – 0
Overal comfort – 0
Bulge support – 1
Breathability – 2
Wow Factor – 1
Commando
No review of men’s underwear would be complete without acknowledging our god-given underwear: nothing at all. I think there is a lot to be said for going commando. I find allowing my bollocks to roam free somehow makes me feel like I’m channeling my masculine-energy more (however ridiculous that may sound), and if I see someone else doing the same my go-to thought is that this person is pretty cocksure (and if he’s gay then he’s probably a top). There are some circumstances when going commando works – this is under shorts, joggers, running tights and compression gear.
The nature of these garments suggests activity and freedom of movement (and your free-moving bulge may be of visual appreciation to others). If you’re prepared to sacrifice a little comfort, going commando under jeans can lead to a pretty hot reveal, but there is nothing worse than getting your scrotum caught in your zipper. Also, acknowledging underwear’s purpose as an undergarment to protect your outer garments from needing to be cleaned regularly of sweat, if you’re going commando you will need to wash your outer garments more frequently too.
Visual appeal – 4
Overall comfort – 4
Bulge support – 0
Breathability – 5
Wow factor – 4
So there you have it – my take on men’s underwear. Using my highly-scientific scoring system, this is how the underwear ranks using their overall scores:
1st place… Thong 22/25
2nd… Jockstrap 21/25
3rd… Brief 20/25
4th… Athletic 19/25
5th… Boxer Short 18/25
6th… Commando 17/20
7th… Boxer Brief 9/25
Last place… Novelty 4/25
Maybe use this as a motivation to experiment and mix up what you wear, maybe by changing your Best Gay LifeSubscriptions subscription options. Feel free to disagree with me as well – underwear is a personal choice, and we all have different priorities when it comes to comfort, style and function.