On average, it takes around two years to get over a seriously relationship, I am almost at the two-year mark, thankfully. All that said you don’t want to get out of practice I guess and in the gay community dating has never been easy, for me at least.
The level of pressure we put on one another, about how we look, how we act, because god forbid it we act to feminine, I am rather feminine something which used to really upset me, as I never felt good enough, feeling like an outcast in the LGBTQ+ community.
All the same I decided to start dating and probably far too soon, but how can you know you aren’t ready without of course trying?
I have decided to put together my dating 101, now I would like to make very clear they are MY dating 101, they won’t apply to everyone, you may agree or disagree, but all the same here they are.
Your time is not more than mine
I learnt from a very young age, from the delight who is Yvette, my mother, it is rarely okay to be late, being late is to suggest your time is more important than the other persons. 15-minutes is acceptable, if of course a reason, and a valid one is given otherwise it is not. You should respect someone else’s time as much as you respect your own as you simple do not know what they have stopped doing to meet you. Be on time, if you can’t schedule for a time you can, this is when you are showing someone that they matter to you, being late tells a very different story. Thanks, Yvette, for that one!
Be on early, or you aren’t on time.
If you ask you pay
I have been on many a date and as what I guess you may call the ‘lady’ in the relationship you expect me not to want to pay. Well this is not the case I am happy to pay, in fact I prefer to as it means I owe you nothing. The caveat to this is of course if you ask someone else out you should pay. Why you ask? If you have invited someone out you have done so based on the means at your disposal, you have chosen a restaurant or venue on the same principle, you cannot expect everyone to have the disposable income as to which you have.
If I ask, I pay, if you ask, you pay, simple, right?
Leave it at the door
I have struggled with this a lot, especially since my separation. When you are on a first date… Leave your judgement at the door! I’m not saying you should not take a view o the person sitting opposite you, what I am saying is you do not know them, you are casting judgement based on first impression. Maybe they’ve never had a long relationship, but maybe they don’t want to tell you why as it hurts them so much, you never know what someone has or is going through.
Listen to more than just words.
Now I, as much as everyone else spend a lot of time on social media and on my phone in general, I may even have to, need to take a work call during our date, will I take it? No. If I have made the time for you that means making the time for you. Do I want to see a message from you friend asking if I look like my Instagram pictures? No, I bloody don’t, yes, I look like them and fine you all scrolled through everything I have chosen to make public, but why in god’s name would you tell me? On a date the only people in that room should be you and the person you are with, if you are too busy for that to happen, then I’m afraid you are too busy to be dating right now.Feel the moment, don’t Instagram it.
I am only going to make one more point, as to be honest i realise that when it comes to dating, I expect a lot, and in all honesty we all should. Dating for me isn’t just something I do for fun, it’s something I do t find my life partner, and I don’t have time to be wasting on people who don’t feel the same. It’s 2020, we have careers, friends, family and other social obligations, I have no desire to waste my time with someone who desires to collect points on whether or not I happen to look like my Instagram, I do by the way.
Don’t do it, if you aren’t ready
One of the worst dates I have ever been on, in short ended with me making a swift exit as my friend had an ‘emergency’, this after he showed me pictures of his ex and himself on holiday, dining on the beach, out on a boat, living their best lives. If you aren’t ready to date do not do it, as it is not fair on the other person. You may not be ready, but they might be. While you walk away and live your Best Gay Life, they spend time, and so much of it wondering what they did wrong, why they weren’t good enough and how they can be better, if they even deserve a partner.
So, my final little message…
Always think of others and think of them before yourself.