Firstly, let me start by saying I am of course not a genius, I would go as far as saying, I am not particularly intelligent. I mostly get away with this, and appearing smarter than I am due to advise of my mother, “do not enter into discussion about a subject, unless you know enough about it”, because of this I may speak coherently and well, but I will only do so about topics of which I know.
A struggle, women have been suffering for decades, is now a struggle I personally understand, and I am sure I am not alone, ‘dumbing down’, the idea of making yourself less intelligent when on a date to not intimidate or threaten another party.
Laughing at his jokes
Now I consider myself by no means as ‘intimidating’, but to the men I date I can understand why, (I don’t agree with), but understand all the same. He will pay for dinner, he will hold my door open, and by some miscommunication, he feels this means he must be, stronger than me, earn more than me, be more successful than more and most of all, be more intelligent than me. So, I dumb down.
I will giggle at your political anecdote, which by the way Chris, was completely uncompelling and moreover, incorrect, that is not how politics works, but adorable attempt. “Oh is that how that works”, or “I’d have never had known that”, phrases I often use on a date, I of course know exactly how ‘that’ works, and in fact ‘knew’ that and by the way you weren’t just incorrect, but so far off base I don’t understand how you have the masculine confidence you have, but all the same here we are.
“Trophy”, a phrase I have now heard more than I care to remember, and always laid toward me as though some form of compliment… “I’ll never let you out of my sight, you are a trophy, something to be won”. No Alex I am not, a trophy would normally be a great thing to ‘win’, but you don’t ‘win’ a human being, I am not am empty vessel in which you hold above you and cheer, I’m a person with feelings much deeper than the puddle of which you choose to give me credit.
I guess in Alex’s defence and all who came before and after, if I act dumb, I am treated, dumb. Did society make me do it though? Or was it a personal choice? Do I do it as otherwise I can’t stay in the dating game? Knowing by being myself I may age out of dating and straight into a collection of 10 to 12 feral cats?
Now, I have no desire to be anyone’s ‘trophy’, but if this is my option over being alone…what does one choose?
I feel I do not stand alone here, maybe not dumbing down, maybe it was laughing at a joke that wasn’t funny, playing along with a story you knew was fictitious, either way, we all wearing a mask when dating and with everything 2020 was maybe it is time the mask came down, we came out, and accepted be alone and being you, is more important than being with a person who doesn’t appreciate you, for you.
Dumbing down, is something we do to hide who we really are and to try and fit in with a social norm, which has been inaccurately thrust upon us, It’s not correct and it is not okay, being yourself takes more courage than following the crowed and especially in the dating market, learn to be unapologetically you. As dying alone, will always be better than dying with a ‘fake’ and ‘superficial’ “love”.
Written By Keye Tortice-Lunn
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